When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
