you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize