well I can't set my house on fire every night
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
