Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
