Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
