i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
