A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
