Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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