so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
