Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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