Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can you bring me the toilet please
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
