Don't make out with my wife yet
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
