Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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