It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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