you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
