we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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