he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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