69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
