Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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