I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize