Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
