The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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