you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Mom said you looked used
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
