His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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