he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize