we're chasing vodka with high fives
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
