I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
