ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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