Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
