Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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