All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
