You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize