the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
