I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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