You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
