I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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