nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize