Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
