Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
