someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
