I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
