Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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