Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
