So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
