just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
