No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he puts the penis in happiness.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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