i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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