my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
