Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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