pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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