Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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