PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize