She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
