her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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