two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
