I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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