I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
