Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
