i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
