My first STD was from a foam party
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
