That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
