I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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