if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
