i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
