he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
